throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
