Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
