someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
