Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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