You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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