Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
