if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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