I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
