He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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