What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
