It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
