Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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