My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
