Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
