She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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