fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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