I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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