I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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