I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
