So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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