Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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