I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
