Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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