fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
