love makes seman taste better
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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