So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
