I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
