in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
