He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
