Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
