I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
