Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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