i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
