My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
