i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
