Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
