At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do herpes really smell.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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