so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
