She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
