worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You left your phone here
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