I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
