you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
