he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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