oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
