At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
