Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
