tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
