Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
