Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
