I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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