we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
