do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
