you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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