so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
