my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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