you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
