I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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